Stay calm and avoid waving all of your appendages at once, it tends to alarm the locals. Activate your emergency disguise (if applicable), and contact LASP immediately.

If your ship is out of commission, try our Cosmic Rideshare App (subject to availability, surge pricing applies). Or, wait for a LASP mission to your sector, we send at least one probe every few decades.

Start by nodding and saying, “Crazy weather we’re having, huh?” at random intervals. Also, avoid discussing your homeworld’s advanced technology, humans get suspicious.

If you don’t want to say the planet “Ork,” try “Ohio.” Humans rarely question that answer.

Calmly explain that it’s a “prank” or “new viral filter.” If that fails, claim to be a method actor preparing for a role.

Proceed with caution. While coffee is a widely accepted form of human fuel, its effects on extraterrestrial biology are…unpredictable. One of our clients experienced 400% increase in brain activity, while another temporarily phased out of existence. Sip at your own risk.

They’re expressing “tribal loyalty” through synchronized screaming. Just join in, and avoid asking logical questions.

They are attempting to communicate with “the internet.” It is a vast and confusing place, much like space, but smaller.